Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
