That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
