I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to stop coming to work sober
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
