the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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