we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
