Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
