You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
