My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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