where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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