Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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