He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
