My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
