Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
