She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
