But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize