never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
