i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
