Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
