apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do vagina's smell?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
