Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize