You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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