i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
