i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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