the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
