so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
