I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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