I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
