Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
