Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
