So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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