I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize