the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
