I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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