apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
