her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
