it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
