WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
