On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i've created a new STD.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
