Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
