I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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