i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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