Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
