smell my finger.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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