fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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