And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
