my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
