i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
