Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize