I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
