I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
