Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
