my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
