I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
