her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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