I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
