so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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