I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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