Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
