i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
