ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want nice things and good sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
