I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What drink are we having for lunch?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
