Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
