Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
