she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
