Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
