Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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