I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
