he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
