The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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